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Love: The Damages of the Ends of Interpersonal Relationships

Love: Truths of the Damages from the Ends of Romantic Relationships

On the emotional spectrum, love is considered to be the strongest positive emotion on the scale with its only equal being hatred on the opposite end. Love has established itself as being the most powerful force in the lives of humanity and it is an emotion that many, if not all, are able to resonate and empathize with as well as the escapades made in the name of love. However, there are indeed times in which love doesn’t flourish with the people we desire it to. As much as we may force it, the eventuality of heartbreak is apparent in our lifetimes and we are forced to accept that at some instances things just don’t happen as planned. To be more forward. I am referring to the ending of an intense romantic relationship with a significant other and the effects of such. Breaking up with someone has blatant detrimental effects on anyone, that much is true. However, the more complex question to be posed is how? What is the extent of the damage done to someone after an intense romantic relationship they invested much time and effort into just ends? Thankfully, there are fields and disciplines that have been able to research and come to conclusions revealing exactly what occurs in the brain after the end of a relationship. With these findings, the impact of the ending of a romantic relationship has been elucidated to the public. Now that they have been clarified, it is a lot more plausible to illustrate exactly what occurs in the brain after the end of a relationship, why it occurs and how it can be alleviated of the individual.

The Neurology:

            The most notable thing to observe in the line of this research is the aftermath of a relationship; primarily the damage done to the human psyche when the conclusion of a relationship comes about. One explanation for this is quite revelating and is quite sensical based off the two things that are compared. Based from scientific findings, being in an intense romantic relationship is similar to that of being addicted to a drug or some other illicit substance; when an individual is separated from their significant other, they start exhibiting behaviors that are of the same nature as drug addicts suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Now this shouldn’t be mistaken as labeling interpersonal relationships as detrimental to the human mind as it is acknowledged to be a positive addiction and not of the same nature as a devastating addiction to heroine or cocaine. In fact, Xiaomeng Xu, professor of social health psychology at Idaho State University, states that the two worlds of addiction and love are intertwined. In both addiction and love, the neurotransmitter known as dopamine is a frequent factor that’s involved. Dopamine is produced in response to completing a reward-motivated behavior and the production of it positively reinforces that behavior. In Xu’s words “feelings of intense romantic love engage regions of the brain’s “reward system” specifically the dopamine-rich regions [of the brain]” This reveals that there is a substantial attachment that is gradually developed over time while one is in a relationship for the simple fact that the wiring of the brain is rewarding romantic conduct. However, what is important to remember is that dopamine is something that needs to be consistently produced in order to maintain the chemical balance in the human brain. When someone stops routinely spending time with their significant other, they start to produce less dopamine since the reward-motivated behavior is done less frequently. This chemical imbalance welcomes withdrawal symptoms in those who are deprived of the thing that produces the steady amount of dopamine that the brain needs. In a layman’s terms, when an individual stops doing something that seems right to do or something that feels good, there are consequences. When someone “calls it quits” in a relationship, the period of recovery that they go through is the aftermath of detachment or the brain rewiring itself to compensate for the lack of the former significant other’s presence. The damage done to the brain after this occurs seems to be severe and there are cases in which an individual still can’t seem to shake off the person that they were in a relationship with. A case of that nature that implies this is the case of the well-known rapper and songwriter, Margaret Wander known professionally as Dessa.  

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Dessa is someone who’s experienced heartbreak much like anyone else. What made her different, however, was her questioning of the root of the feelings she had and how she could alleviate herself of them. This brought her to the field of neuroscience and a TED Talk by Helen Fisher, a well-known anthropologist and human behavior researcher. From the TED Talk, Dessa discovered that there is a method utilized to, as she puts it, “objectively measure love.” This is completed through the usage of functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) which is used to detect and observe the amount of activity in the brain based off the flow of blood in the regions of the brain. Fisher states that the fMRI reveals that the “love-struck” individuals who underwent fMRI testing had regions of their brain that were unusually active. These findings illustrate that there is indeed a profound impact on the activity of the human brain due to the aftermath of the intense romantic or interpersonal relationships that the subjects had. The findings from the fMRI readings of Dessa are an indicator of the potency of the heartbreak. With these figures in mind, we know have a solid understanding of the relationship aftermaths and how exactly they can be observed through scientific means. Furthermore, the usage of functional magnetic resonance imaging reveals that the nature of pain that one goes through after a break up is similar to physical pain. Melanie Greenburg Ph.D, practicing psychologist, author, and clinician, states in an article on Psychology Today, the neurological elements behind the aftermath of a break up. Using an fMRI scan, participants involved in a study who had gone through break ups recently, had been evaluated to collect data. A researcher from Columbia University conducted the study and found a means of interpreting this. In the article, Greensburg explains the study in detail, “Using fMRI scans, the researchers assessed which brain areas lit up when participants looked at pictures of their ex-partners and simultaneously thought about experiences they had shared together. They compared this to when participants looked at pictures of a friend and were exposed to pain via a hot probe on the arm. The scientists found that the same parts of the brain lit up when individuals looked at the partner pictures or experienced physical pain, but not when they looked at the friend pictures.” From this finding, this elucidates the fact that the brain suffers a trauma that is similar to physical pain. This is explains the magnitude of the impact that break ups have on people, especially to those unsuspecting of the eventual break up. It’s important to acknowledge that this is something that confirms the trauma that is inflicted on people who end romantic relationships and the counsel that they’ll need in order to fully recover.

Emotional Recoil:

            Another question to ask pertaining to this topic are the factors associated with emotional damages of the ends of romantic relationships. Essentially, what happens to the emotional well-being of an individual who has recently put an end to a relationship. The simplest answer would easily be sadness and depression as you would expect. However, it’s not always that clear-cut. The question to ask in this case would be what happens to the emotional well-being to a person after the end of a relationship and what are the long-term and immediate damages that occur in the brain of the individual who has recently ended a relationship. Romantic betrayal is indeed a leading cause for the endings of relationships and it also serves as a sort of catalyst in researching the detriments of these relationships. An article written by Lauren L. Couch, lists the effects of romantic betrayal in mass: degradations of trust, anger, sadness, increased levels of anxiety and depression, lessened connections between the two partners, etc. The significance of these consequences is the range of different detrimental effects that are a resultant of the ending of a relationship. Now of course, there are other factors that should be taken into consideration when it comes to intense romantic relationships that ended because of infidelity such as inconsistency, attention, communication (lack thereof), and other attributes. What this reveals is the destructive potency that break ups can have depending on the cause. Degradation of trust, for example, is a common form of emotional damage to one’s emotional well-being which is sprouted from being victimized by romantic betrayal. Someone with a broken sense of trust has sustained with what we might call an ‘emotional injury’ which has permanently damaged their ability to confide in others on a romantic level.

            Of course, it should also be mentioned that there are factors that contribute to the end of a relationship outside of romantic betrayal. What can also be accountable for the possible end of a relationship is abuse in all aspects, whether it be emotional, physical, or verbal. The many testimonies of individuals who have ended their relationships with former abusive partners recounts the manipulativeness of the abusers and how that has impacted them in the long term. The trauma inflicted in these relationships can reincarnate in future relationships and prevent those with abuse in their history from surrendering themselves completely to the possibility of love. Steve Almond, an essayist and author, provides his input on the topic in an article from New York Times Magazine. He states “One of the hallmarks of an emotionally abusive relationship is the schism you describe. The abuser is compassionate in public and cruel in private. Your ex is peddling a fraudulent version of himself, one that erases the trauma he inflicted on you. Your therapy is clearly helping you to discern the true story of your relationship.” This a method that is commonly used by abusers in relationships in order to shape the relationship in their favor. This seeds feelings of confusion and insecurity in the minds of the inflicted preventing them from resolving the inner turmoil that’s been stirred up by the former significant other. In many cases, in relationships that ended on the terms of the partner suffering a type of abuse, there are a multitude of detrimental effects that are observed during the aftermath of the relationship.

Outlook on Life and Existentialism:

A study archived from the U.S National Library of Medicine conducted by Galena Rhoades and associates shows that there is a positive correlation between psychological distress/decline in life satisfaction and the dissolution of unmarried relationships. Rhoades mentions the exact statistics, “Among unmarried 18 to 35-year olds (N = 1295), 36.5% had one or more break-ups over a 20-month period. Experiencing a break-up was associated with an increase in psychological distress and a decline in life satisfaction (from pre- to post-dissolution). In addition, several characteristics of the relationship or of the break-up were associated with the magnitude of the changes in life satisfaction following a break-up.” What this reveals is the damage that the ends of relationships, especially unmarried ones, have on the outlook on the lives of those who’ve went through break ups. The future of the romantic lives of people who have ended unmarried relationships becomes uncertain when it comes to their potential prospects in the world of romance. This establishes a sense of insecurity in their love lives and a lack of trust in the process of meeting new people, socializing with potential partners, and the idea of marriage. One can even say that the current generation’s sense of distrust towards the romantic process and the idea of marriage has been tainted and distorted by the romantic mishaps that are inevitable in life.

In conclusion, one thing to understand is that the effects of the ends of intense romantic relationships are indeed impactful and play a huge role in the love lives of individuals in modern-day society. The romantic mishaps of individuals becomes a standard for their future relationships which makes them avert being open to new relationships. The future of romantic relationships is hazy as of now. However, if people are able to show more empathy and become more open despite the transgressions of the past, then relationships of the future will become more intimate and meaningful.

 

Works Cited:

–         Rhoades, Galena, Dush, Claire, Atkins David C. http://www.healthtalk.org/peoples-experiences/domestic-violence-abuse/womens-experiences-domestic-violence-and-abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse-and-effects-womens-self-esteem. Breaking Up is Hard to do: The Impact of Unmarried Relationship Dissolution on Mental Health and Life Satisfaction. Accessed 13 November 2018

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